#MyLifeAsAHuman - Entry #291

#MyLifeAsAHuman - Entry #291 - Head or Heart?

Today I thought of you and my breath caught in my throat.
Choking me.
Leaving me incapable of breathing.
That feeling I had,
Was so foreign-a-language to even the most familiar parts of my soul, my heart.
What have you done to me?
Explain this.
Whatever it is.
Explain it.
... Because I find that I am terrified.

-Y. Salmon

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Life's Love Day.

So, come the eve of Valentine's day, I'll be pulling an over-nighter at work and with any luck I'll be dragging myself into bed by 10am Valentine's morning. Either way I'll be alone. Curled up in my blankets, completely unaware of the passing events of the actual day itself. Which is why I'm making this blog today. Needless to say, I initially dreaded the upcoming 'day of love' and all the connotations that come with it. I found myself viewing the day with uncharacteristically severe cynicism and disdain. And leaning towards the belief that Valentine's day was just a day for chocolate and card companies to take advantage of all the 'happy hearts' out there and at the same time make the members of the lonely hearts' club feel like absolute crap. But the real truth of the matter was this. I was just feeling bummed myself...as I knew that I was a member of the lonely hearts' club this year. And it sucked. I was all too aware of the fact ...

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For a while now, I have been trying to do the grown up thing. Work the 9 to 5. Pay the bills on time. Plan a future and become what's expected.... As a result I became a bit disillusioned. I felt that dreams were just that, 'dreams' . I felt, for some reason, that l should lock away that part of myself that was not considered practical. The dreamer. And I did. ...... It's been almost a year and I have felt the impact of that decision. The emptiness that is as a result of suffocating that part of myself that is most definitive. And to my dreams I apologize. To the dreamer I admit that I was wrong. To all the stories that have been swimming around in my head, and in my soul, in my heart... I beg your forgiveness for my arrogance and laziness. Know that I was the fool that lost out. I was the one that quit on you. And I humbly and piously present myself to you. I am the prodigal son that has returned to the welcoming arms of my black sheep reality. Filled with dreams, a...

Yan's Labyrinth

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