Sunday, March 23, 2014

#MyLifeAsAHuman - Entry# 984 - My Symphony

I'm sitting here gazing out into a world of possibility and purpose and I chide myself for being a coward sometimes. 
I get mad at myself for doubting as much as I do, for hesitating and finding excuses.

I look back and remember when I was a fearless dreamer, blatant in my belief, obnoxious in my certainty....
And I wonder.... Where did she go? Where did that girl go? Was she killed off by cynicism? Knocked down by reality.... Captured by adulthood? Defeated by life?...

I shake my head, for it is better than hanging it in shame. I steady myself for the mourning of my past self.... And I think... Am I but a shell of my former self? Void of truth and inspiration? 
Am I so empty a vessel that my noise is nothing but a deafening yet unnoticeable silence?...
These are my fears that nip at my confidence, that drown my rising strength.
These are the fears I hold on to, to feed my pity party and excuse myself from wanting... From dreaming... From doing.

These are the fears that I listen to a little less each time I am feeling beaten.... Because they are the crutch that bring me familiar self contempt.... 
And I remind myself; once this sea of self deprecation has washed over me and left me limp with daunting visions.... I remind myself that I am my saviour. 
That to believe in myself is to acknowledge my self worth. Is to love myself. To cherish myself. To value my entire being.

I remind myself, that, yes, I was a dreamer with stubborn determination and life has taught me lessons that at first left me winded... Cynical.
But now that I am able to look outside of myself, to forgive myself, to appreciate myself... 
I find that I am grateful for who I am right now. 
I am grateful for all those lessons bestowed upon me that have created this spirit within me.

I am a different person now. 
Unrecognizable at first, appearing broken and ripped.... Worn and bruised... Strong and graceful... Imperfectly whole... 
Still growing and flourishing, still being created.
I am myself...

And although I am not as pure or untouched.
Although my petals are no longer as supple and smooth....
I am now perfectly crinkled and folded. Bended but not broke....
Able to withstand the most ferocious winds and hold my face towards the sky in the most tumultuous rainfalls.

I am a better version of me, that has lived and continues to live.
Collecting spiritual stamps and road maps and folds and creases... 
That combine themselves into a beautiful mess of harmony, that I have deemed as my very own, self created, soul-built symphony...

-Y. Salmon

Saturday, February 22, 2014

#MyLifeAsAHuman - My Thoughts My Words - Changing of the tide


I feel a change coming... In what form, I'm not sure.
The streets look different, my path more vivid...Intense.
I feel a change coming... So real and sure that it shakes my bones....
I feel a change coming... All the way to my core...
And I wait.
Anxiously.

- Y.Salmon

Thursday, February 20, 2014

#MyLifeAsAHuman - My Thoughts, My Words - Whimsical musings

There is a place, I imagine, where reality is rivaled by the brilliance of imagination. Where birth is given to whimsy & fairytales that unravel in beautiful splendour... I imagine there is such a place, as I have lived there for so long....
-Y. Salmon

Sunday, February 9, 2014

#MyLifeAsAHuman - Entry #781 - Scar Issue

I wish sometimes I could peel away my scars like scabs.
Or shed them like old skin...

Watch them fall away and evaporate into dust,
Leaving no traces of their prior existence.

I wish my scars weren't so deeply embedded,
That they would stop choosing when to appear 'healed' and when to resurface...

Causing more damage, than good.

Bringing it's past injuries and burdens and slights into the present, 

Tainting the beauty and possibilities of a present situation.

I wish I were constantly able to wear the strength of my scars...
Because despite how much they haunt us,
They have such resilience and longevity... Bravado...
.... And guts...

Constantly reminding us that they aren't going anywhere.
Constantly showing us that they, these scars are apart of us....
Apart of our package,
Apart of our spirit,
Our demeanour...
Our past, present and future...

And that ultimately, if we have any intentions of Truly living,
Truly loving,
Truly 'Be'-ing...

Then we have to acknowledge them... Embrace them,
Learn from them,
Respect. Them.

Because it is these very scars that help us to identify missing pieces of ourselves.
The parts of ourselves that need to be fulfilled...
Made complete.

It is these scars that allow us the wisdom of 'self' and recognition of other scarred and kindred souls,
That compliment our jagged puzzle pieces...

That soothe our hurricanes and nurture our embers of awareness and love.

It is these scars, That once left us ripped open and bleeding... Lifeless...
It is these scars that connect us, 

Wraps us up in its cocoon of pain, anger and regret,
And slowly,
Patiently,
Over time...
Releases us...
Healed.
And Loved.
And grateful to just 'Be'.

-Y. Salmon

*Original image courtesy of @rowan_newton via @instagrafite