Yan's Labyrinth

Things, situations, opportunities, circumstances, jobs, people will come and go... Some will impact you... Some will leave a bitter taste in your mouth, some will leave you with lessons... Memories...like puffs of smoke that linger in the recesses of your mind. Some will become a permanent fixture, never leaving...even if it appears they have. And some you will cherish forever...simply because of the impact they have had. At the end of the day however, you are left with just you. Surrounded by bits and pieces of varied experiences. But it's yourself that you are left with...just you....and nothing else. So remember that while it's nice to appreciate all these different things that have contributed to who you are... Never forget the importance of 'you'. Love yourself so much, that no one or no 'thing' can cause you to lose the value of yourself... The value of 'you'. You're not expected to have all the answers. You're not expected to be perf...

I'm sitting here gazing out into a world of possibility and purpose and I chide myself for being a coward sometimes.  I get mad at myself for doubting as much as I do, for hesitating and finding excuses. I look back and remember when I was a fearless dreamer, blatant in my belief, obnoxious in my certainty.... And I wonder.... Where did she go? Where did that girl go? Was she killed off by cynicism? Knocked down by reality.... Captured by adulthood? Defeated by life?... I shake my head, for it is better than hanging it in shame. I steady myself for the mourning of my past self.... And I think... Am I but a shell of my former self? Void of truth and inspiration?  Am I so empty a vessel that my noise is nothing but a deafening yet unnoticeable silence?... These are my fears that nip at my confidence, that drown my rising strength. These are the fears I hold on to, to feed my pity party and excuse myself from wanting... From dreaming... From doing. These are ...

I remember there was a time when all I did was search for Love. I craved it like a fiend for coffee, A Saint for religion. I pleaded, I prodded, I injected, I smoked... And still Love did not come to me. There were resembles, counterfeits, Intruders and clowns.... And still Love evaded me. I bargained, I settled, ... I may have even given away parts of my soul. And Love? Love looked at me and laughed at my desperation. Finally I found 'love' ... (I thought) ...dressed more ruggedly than anticipated. Lines expelled were fluent in seduction. 'love' made me heated, bothered and moist. Then Love walked by and shook it's head in knowing... I had not found Love. But rather I had found its cousin, Wrapped up in faux packaging and magic words... Making me cum with want, And liquid with desire. Lust grabbed me and flung me and made me it's bitch. Humping me into a frenzy of wetness and haze... And then Lust emptied me......