Yan's Labyrinth

There is this sense of dread that comes with happiness sometimes that I will never truly understand. I suspect it's there to keep you grounded. Rooted in reality... Emphasize the validity of these pockets... Periods of happiness. It creates a much needed balance that demands attention... Keeps you aware. Maybe this feeling... 'Dread', Is really just emotional gravity, pulling us closer to the ground... So that we don't float away into oblivion. Perhaps it's really just a combination of feelings and logic trying to save us from ourselves... Trying to make us a better version of ourselves.... -Y. Salmon *Image courtesy of Instagram

My heart is unusually heavy today... Saying goodbye is never easy... Not when all you want to do is will that person to stay and never let go. Not when you have visions of them being around for every single memory, Every single smile, Every single moment...that makes the most mundane parts of life worthwhile. I feel this cloud of grimness, That is hard to explain. It is as if my chest has been ripped or shattered open... And the weight of a massive boulder has been left to press against it for all eternity. Trembling... I am trembling. As my fears erupt and my vulnerability peels away at me one layer at a time. Leaving me exposed, stripped... Raw. I am adrift on a sea of emotional havoc. Beaten and wind thrashed...with barely enough breath left in me to cry. Exhaustion takes over, And I will my eyes shut and pray. The rest... The rest is hazy. I am at peace now. In this moment. Enveloped by this sea of calm and tranquility... Quietly, Oh so quietly, My tears begin ...

It's one of those days when my emotions are bombarding me. Feeling as if there is too much sad. But acutely aware that there is so much to be happy about. It's a good day to be happy. Just need to focus on that and accept that my mind is sometimes going to insist that it travels to other places. It's a happy day. I know it is.