Yan's Labyrinth

Right now, I find that I am just tremendously grateful... And content...with you... Because of you..  That is all.

So today I woke up and my vision was clearer... My eyes were wide open and set aglow with understanding. My fears transformed into crystals of awareness and I was relieved... I allowed my senses to take over and enrapture me with renewed knowledge. I breathe deep and exhale loudly... Sending a surge of rejuvenation through my soul. My body... My body almost collapses from the intensity of the experience... Leaving me naked, reborn, revived... And ultimately transformed. I am a writer, a poet, a sinner, a child. I am a lover, a voyager, a reason for someone's smile... *smile* And I am graciously bosomed in this epiphany... And my mind? My mind, for this moment, ... is at rest. -Y. Salmon *Original image courtesy of @tattooloversshop Instagram them!!

... There are moments, days, when all we can do is be patient...

You bare scars, because you have been broken. They form ridges and curves and lines upon your soul... Your heart... And your mind. Creating a disfigured masterpiece so unique and individual, that its beauty is almost blinding... Captivating in its pain, Mesmerizing in it s resilience. You are beauty, because you bare scars, Fitted and molded to your creation... Imperfections and tear stains collide in gracious harmony...   So tranquil and serene, you could, just possibly, go deaf... You are life... as you possess bravery so reckless and demanding that it is enviable. You grab at these challenges as if they are gifts and embrace them within your very being as if to attempt to make them physically apart of you... Like a limb, made of mistakes or a child bore of defiance. You are love, ... Because you are in existence. So pure and rare. That at times I feel my heart may stop from being in your mere presence. So radiant and unfamiliar, in all of it's comfort......

Sometimes my mind travels to that place, where you reside and I am angry. I will you away... But still you rear your head... Mocking me... Taunting me... In defiance. I am left depleted. Expelled... And thinking, "Without you, this darkness. Would I even exist?" -Y. Salmon *Original Image courtesy of @instagrafiti

Sometimes my mind has visions, thoughts and memories. And sometimes they are dark... I'm not sure why. But that's how it is in the mind of a human I suppose...

So I'm standing at my bus terminal, waiting on my bus to arrive. It's early and I'm sleepy and everyone is grumpy. Because it's Monday and no one wants to be in the cold or headed to work.... Anyway, I suddenly find myself mezmerized by this girl's beautiful head of hair... And I think she feels me staring, because she turns around suddenly and I am stunned at the fact that she possesses the same set of eyes as a really close friend or at least someone I used to be close to. I haven't spoken to her in awhile... She was pretty awesome and I find myself missing her sometimes. But life,... Life has different plans for us at times... Anyway, I felt inspired, and thus this entry was made. Memory's Past Saw someone today and she had your eyes. I thought of you and wondered if you were alright. It set my mind adrift with memories of us laughing and singing out loud and boisterously...  ...I remember your first heartbreak. I remember your first love. I remem...

I envisioned you in the flesh today. Curled up beside me, breathing steady and light... My arms wrapped around your waist... As you nuzzle me unconsciously. I envisioned you as a part of me. Completely and wholly... And I smiled from my soul... No hesitation... No fear. I smiled and then rested with you... In my arms... In your arms... Completely. - Y. Salmon

Sometimes we forget to take a step back and inhale. We forget the beauty of simplicity. It's elegance. It's grace. We forget to appreciate what we have been blessed with. We take it for granted. Well, today. In this moment. I am just so grateful... I am.

I remember there was a time when all I did was search for Love. I craved it like a fiend for coffee, A Saint for religion. I pleaded, I prodded, I injected, I smoked... And still Love did not come to me. There were resembles, counterfeits, Intruders and clowns.... And still Love evaded me. I bargained, I settled, ... I may have even given away parts of my soul. And Love? Love looked at me and laughed at my desperation. Finally I found 'love' ... (I thought) ...dressed more ruggedly than anticipated. Lines expelled were fluent in seduction. 'love' made me heated, bothered and moist. Then Love walked by and shook it's head in knowing... I had not found Love. But rather I had found its cousin, Wrapped up in faux packaging and magic words... Making me cum with want, And liquid with desire. Lust grabbed me and flung me and made me it's bitch. Humping me into a frenzy of wetness and haze... And then Lust emptied me......

My heart is unusually heavy today... Saying goodbye is never easy... Not when all you want to do is will that person to stay and never let go. Not when you have visions of them being around for every single memory, Every single smile, Every single moment...that makes the most mundane parts of life worthwhile. I feel this cloud of grimness, That is hard to explain. It is as if my chest has been ripped or shattered open... And the weight of a massive boulder has been left to press against it for all eternity. Trembling... I am trembling. As my fears erupt and my vulnerability peels away at me one layer at a time. Leaving me exposed, stripped... Raw. I am adrift on a sea of emotional havoc. Beaten and wind thrashed...with barely enough breath left in me to cry. Exhaustion takes over, And I will my eyes shut and pray. The rest... The rest is hazy. I am at peace now. In this moment. Enveloped by this sea of calm and tranquility... Quietly, Oh so quietly, My tears begin ...

The thing about meeting someone and connecting with them, is that your mind takes you to places that you never even conceived yourself capable of going. You find yourself having visions and fantasies. And worst of all you find yourself having hope... You start believing in all the illogical things that you know you have no business believing. You forget past lessons yet remember them vividly all at the same time. Your mind becomes overwhelmed. Your heart becomes insistent, And your loins... Your loins takes on a life all its own. You are no longer in control. Not really. You are now left to the whimsy of a word, of a touch, of a smile, of a kiss. You have been conquered and you are completely unaware of it. You are bitten, smitten and ultimately doomed *chuckles*. But why do we ignore the facts? Why do we pursue and engage despite what we already know? Because, in the end, none of the impending hurt matters. In the end we are so happy to feel alive,  Feel connect...

I've seen you before. In conversation. Deep thought... Enjoying your cup of...coffee? Your head buried in a book, reading, writing your thoughts. Your thoughts... I've seen you laughing. Head thrown back, eyes alive with... Life. And you were breathtaking. I've seen you. I. See. You. And today... Today... Today you were walking to work and I had my head buried in a book. Reading. Writing my thoughts... And I felt you... Watching me. Seeing me. Slowly, my eyes found the courage to meet yours. And for the first time, I saw you, Seeing me. - Y. Salmon

Today I thought of you and my breath caught in my throat. Choking me. Leaving me incapable of breathing. That feeling I had, Was so foreign-a-language to even the most familiar parts of my soul, my heart. What have you done to me? Explain this. Whatever it is. Explain it. ... Because I find that I am terrified. -Y. Salmon

It's one of those days when my emotions are bombarding me. Feeling as if there is too much sad. But acutely aware that there is so much to be happy about. It's a good day to be happy. Just need to focus on that and accept that my mind is sometimes going to insist that it travels to other places. It's a happy day. I know it is.

Hello there. How are you? Let me tell you a little about myself. I have an unmatched appreciation for laughter. An immense craving for intellect. A desire for self discovery. A penchant for the unknown. The curiosity of a kitten. A hunger for creativity... I've never been lucky in love, nor have I been unlucky. I have just been in it. Love. Every moment, every act, every verse... I've fallen so many times and gotten back up inspite of it. I think too much yet I am gravely impulsive. My deepest thoughts are spoken with my eyes. And my laughter is my heart. I feel... I feel with my soul. And I live through my mind. I am spontaneous, unusual and... me. I am whimsy and stories and art. I am sad songs and abrasive humour. I am honesty. I am pain. I am doubt and contradiction. I am strength and rejuvenation. Belief and fight. I am many things... most of them indescribable. Put simply, I am human... Every day. Just human. -Y. Salmon

Skin touching skin... Heat. Lips grazing lips... Friction. Hands kneading flesh... Compulsion. Lips tasting... You... Desire. Heart pounding out of chest... Anticipation. Heat. Sweat. Moist. Friction. Throb. Heat. Sweat. Compulsion. Moist. Skin. Taunt... Explosion. Explosion, Explosion... Breathe. Kiss. Taste... Devotion. Hold. Touch. Tease... Caress. Caress. Smiles. Butterfly kisses... Slumber. - Y. Salmon

Every so often we meet someone that we connect with. There is no rhyme or reason. There are no logical explanations. It just is. Don't question it too much and don't take it for granted. Instead, appreciate it for the beautiful thing that it is. Embrace it. And maybe... just maybe, it'll last for even longer than you could have ever imagined possible. -Y. Salmon

This weekend I took some much needed time for myself. It's been a pretty hectic year and sometimes we get so caught up in our day to day life that we forget how important it is to take a breathe-er. To get clarity and perspective. To regenerate your soul. And thank God I did, because this morning, I woke up in a funk. I couldn't quite put my finger on the reason why, but my trusty phone sent me a reminder. It reminded me that this Friday, Nov. 8th would be the anniversary of my Grandma's passing... And thus my thoughts and feelings were brought to light. Her name was Alice. And she was a wonderful gift. May she know how much she was loved and how much she is missed. Ode to Alice There are moments, days, that I think of you and your smile. Your words. Your elegance, and I feel this pit in my stomach. This ache in my chest. This awareness.... This feeling... You're not here anymore. And I miss you. I realise that I miss you. And for those moments, those days, I...

I have all this nervous energy coursing through my veins. I can feel anticipation, anxiety, fear, restlessness...and Serenity? My mind boggles at the body's capacity to withstand so much at the same time, in a matter of mere minute seconds, balled up and ready to explode. How is this possible? Why is it possible? My mind races, so much to do, so much to get done. My dreams are no longer secrets, my dreams are no longer 'dreams'. They have morphed, capsized and regained consciousness. Life has been breathed...resurrected... I have dreamed, no! I have breathed (exhales) life into my dreams. Finally. Finally I am no longer an escape artist. An escapist of my dreams, of my fears, of failure, of rejection. Finally I am a dreamer realized. Recognized. No longer hospitalized. No longer imprisoned. I have done what was once thought impossible. I have set fire to my dreams. I have let them out and commanded, no! Demanded, that they roam free and wide and fierce! I have declar...

Time to get the chronicles started! #MyLifeAsAHuman...

The first time I met you, was through a glass window. You were crossing the street, trying to catch your bus and beat the rain. You turned for a brief moment and our eyes... Our eyes met, and I froze... Time froze.  And then,  Then you smiled and my heart, my heart...  My heart stopped and I melted into nothingness, Into swirls of colours, And dreams, And visions. You captured me in one glance and I knew I was yours. The first time I met you, was through a glass window. You smiled and imprinted my heart with your promise of forever.  I. Am. Yours. - Y. Salmon

When... When was the last time you were kissed so thoroughly, so deeply... So passionately... That you felt as if your heart would stop and your insides would melt away from the sheer intensity of it all? When was the last time you felt like that? When?.... -Y. Salmon

Newest piece. Inspired by 'you'. Hope you like... I've started to take note of you,  Little pieces at a time... It started with your smile, then your sigh. Your laugh... And now... Now, I notice your eyes, The kindness The mischief The curiosity... The awe. I've started to take note of you...  Little... Tiny... Minute... Pieces at a time. -Y. Salmon

For a while now, I have been trying to do the grown up thing. Work the 9 to 5. Pay the bills on time. Plan a future and become what's expected.... As a result I became a bit disillusioned. I felt that dreams were just that, 'dreams' . I felt, for some reason, that l should lock away that part of myself that was not considered practical. The dreamer. And I did. ...... It's been almost a year and I have felt the impact of that decision. The emptiness that is as a result of suffocating that part of myself that is most definitive. And to my dreams I apologize. To the dreamer I admit that I was wrong. To all the stories that have been swimming around in my head, and in my soul, in my heart... I beg your forgiveness for my arrogance and laziness. Know that I was the fool that lost out. I was the one that quit on you. And I humbly and piously present myself to you. I am the prodigal son that has returned to the welcoming arms of my black sheep reality. Filled with dreams, a...

I find that I am throughly confused aboutthis weather. Perhaps I should view it as a new relationship filled with learning curves and spontaneous discoveries.... Otherwise all that comes to mind is the impending approach of armaggedon.