#MyLifeAsAHuman - Entry 1536- It's all in the eyes...

I remember the first time I was to see you again, how I primped and prepped myself into a nervous wreak....
And you... You were cool as a summer's breeze, greeting me with that familiar gaze... Filled with promises of heated nights, raucous mornings and delicious afternoons...

I remember thinking... Feeling... that those glances were meant only for me...

And that you... Missed 'this'....
That you wanted 'this' again...

Now, a year later, we're meeting up... again.
You said you "missed my face"....
and that we needed to catch up... See how life was treating us...

You greeted me with that gaze, and that self assured smile...
And me?.... I am warm and congenial... And you seem a bit surprised.

You tell me about your new lady and how magnificent it all it is....
How glad you are to be humble and well deserving of all of this...
I smile and say I'm happy that life has been so kind.

Your gaze is now realizing that my eyes are not the same..

You assume I'm still at the same job. You seem surprised that I have left.
I see you gaze at our waitress and flash that smile that now reminds me of a...Wolf?
She blushes I think...
Flattered?
Embarrassed?
... And quickly walks away.

You tell me I "seem different" and I say, "that's because I am."
You miss the way I used to look at you... I say,"Well, that was then."

You tell me I look good. Glowing.
I tell you I do feel pretty great.
You ask me if I'm happy... And that's when my veneer breaks.

I tell you all about my love and how I'm made to feel. So special, loved, appreciated... And indeed I am complete.

You fall silent. Somber. Awed in disbelief... "You've moved on?"

I smile, and nod real slow as if I'd just realised that fact myself.

I peer at you... Seeing why your light seems different now...
More hazy, less vibrant...
Simply because it no longer appeals to me.

I'm reflective now and conscious of the words I'm about to speak.
"Thank you for being apart of this... You helped me to prepare. For the one who finally came along and showed me... What it's like to truly take care. I'm grateful for all you've done and for all the things we shared."

But you're right, I have moved on... And I wasn't even aware.

You tell me it won't last, cause things like that never do...
I smile and say I have to go, it's been great seeing you.

You grab my wrist as I'm about to leave and say we should "do this again."
I smile that smile you know so well, filled with empty promises and 'pretend', as I nod in false agreement and my eyes bid you farewell.

-Y. Salmon