Yan's Labyrinth

I remember there was a time when all I did was search for Love. I craved it like a fiend for coffee, A Saint for religion. I pleaded, I prodded, I injected, I smoked... And still Love did not come to me. There were resembles, counterfeits, Intruders and clowns.... And still Love evaded me. I bargained, I settled, ... I may have even given away parts of my soul. And Love? Love looked at me and laughed at my desperation. Finally I found 'love' ... (I thought) ...dressed more ruggedly than anticipated. Lines expelled were fluent in seduction. 'love' made me heated, bothered and moist. Then Love walked by and shook it's head in knowing... I had not found Love. But rather I had found its cousin, Wrapped up in faux packaging and magic words... Making me cum with want, And liquid with desire. Lust grabbed me and flung me and made me it's bitch. Humping me into a frenzy of wetness and haze... And then Lust emptied me......

My heart is unusually heavy today... Saying goodbye is never easy... Not when all you want to do is will that person to stay and never let go. Not when you have visions of them being around for every single memory, Every single smile, Every single moment...that makes the most mundane parts of life worthwhile. I feel this cloud of grimness, That is hard to explain. It is as if my chest has been ripped or shattered open... And the weight of a massive boulder has been left to press against it for all eternity. Trembling... I am trembling. As my fears erupt and my vulnerability peels away at me one layer at a time. Leaving me exposed, stripped... Raw. I am adrift on a sea of emotional havoc. Beaten and wind thrashed...with barely enough breath left in me to cry. Exhaustion takes over, And I will my eyes shut and pray. The rest... The rest is hazy. I am at peace now. In this moment. Enveloped by this sea of calm and tranquility... Quietly, Oh so quietly, My tears begin ...

The thing about meeting someone and connecting with them, is that your mind takes you to places that you never even conceived yourself capable of going. You find yourself having visions and fantasies. And worst of all you find yourself having hope... You start believing in all the illogical things that you know you have no business believing. You forget past lessons yet remember them vividly all at the same time. Your mind becomes overwhelmed. Your heart becomes insistent, And your loins... Your loins takes on a life all its own. You are no longer in control. Not really. You are now left to the whimsy of a word, of a touch, of a smile, of a kiss. You have been conquered and you are completely unaware of it. You are bitten, smitten and ultimately doomed *chuckles*. But why do we ignore the facts? Why do we pursue and engage despite what we already know? Because, in the end, none of the impending hurt matters. In the end we are so happy to feel alive,  Feel connect...

I've seen you before. In conversation. Deep thought... Enjoying your cup of...coffee? Your head buried in a book, reading, writing your thoughts. Your thoughts... I've seen you laughing. Head thrown back, eyes alive with... Life. And you were breathtaking. I've seen you. I. See. You. And today... Today... Today you were walking to work and I had my head buried in a book. Reading. Writing my thoughts... And I felt you... Watching me. Seeing me. Slowly, my eyes found the courage to meet yours. And for the first time, I saw you, Seeing me. - Y. Salmon

Today I thought of you and my breath caught in my throat. Choking me. Leaving me incapable of breathing. That feeling I had, Was so foreign-a-language to even the most familiar parts of my soul, my heart. What have you done to me? Explain this. Whatever it is. Explain it. ... Because I find that I am terrified. -Y. Salmon

It's one of those days when my emotions are bombarding me. Feeling as if there is too much sad. But acutely aware that there is so much to be happy about. It's a good day to be happy. Just need to focus on that and accept that my mind is sometimes going to insist that it travels to other places. It's a happy day. I know it is.

Hello there. How are you? Let me tell you a little about myself. I have an unmatched appreciation for laughter. An immense craving for intellect. A desire for self discovery. A penchant for the unknown. The curiosity of a kitten. A hunger for creativity... I've never been lucky in love, nor have I been unlucky. I have just been in it. Love. Every moment, every act, every verse... I've fallen so many times and gotten back up inspite of it. I think too much yet I am gravely impulsive. My deepest thoughts are spoken with my eyes. And my laughter is my heart. I feel... I feel with my soul. And I live through my mind. I am spontaneous, unusual and... me. I am whimsy and stories and art. I am sad songs and abrasive humour. I am honesty. I am pain. I am doubt and contradiction. I am strength and rejuvenation. Belief and fight. I am many things... most of them indescribable. Put simply, I am human... Every day. Just human. -Y. Salmon

Skin touching skin... Heat. Lips grazing lips... Friction. Hands kneading flesh... Compulsion. Lips tasting... You... Desire. Heart pounding out of chest... Anticipation. Heat. Sweat. Moist. Friction. Throb. Heat. Sweat. Compulsion. Moist. Skin. Taunt... Explosion. Explosion, Explosion... Breathe. Kiss. Taste... Devotion. Hold. Touch. Tease... Caress. Caress. Smiles. Butterfly kisses... Slumber. - Y. Salmon

Every so often we meet someone that we connect with. There is no rhyme or reason. There are no logical explanations. It just is. Don't question it too much and don't take it for granted. Instead, appreciate it for the beautiful thing that it is. Embrace it. And maybe... just maybe, it'll last for even longer than you could have ever imagined possible. -Y. Salmon

This weekend I took some much needed time for myself. It's been a pretty hectic year and sometimes we get so caught up in our day to day life that we forget how important it is to take a breathe-er. To get clarity and perspective. To regenerate your soul. And thank God I did, because this morning, I woke up in a funk. I couldn't quite put my finger on the reason why, but my trusty phone sent me a reminder. It reminded me that this Friday, Nov. 8th would be the anniversary of my Grandma's passing... And thus my thoughts and feelings were brought to light. Her name was Alice. And she was a wonderful gift. May she know how much she was loved and how much she is missed. Ode to Alice There are moments, days, that I think of you and your smile. Your words. Your elegance, and I feel this pit in my stomach. This ache in my chest. This awareness.... This feeling... You're not here anymore. And I miss you. I realise that I miss you. And for those moments, those days, I...