Yan's Labyrinth

She's always been a bit of a dreamer...    half way here...         half way there... Making her way along the paths only traveled by the ones that they call different or special... The way she speaks speckled with nuances and meanings that are all her own      ...it confuses the masses but is understood by a few that she considers her own.. I've seen her smile and nod and engage in humorous banter so convincingly that she feels genuinely present... You would never guess she's dreaming.       Her eyes are changeable and hide as much as they convey...              always travelling...                   always far away. I've seen her cry. Wretched silent tears that demonstrate her pain only by the heaving of her chest.    ...

I've often wondered what it would be like to simply disappear... Not to die or leave this earth willingly...            but to just disappear. Slowly, layer by layer, begin to evaporate into nothingness. Becoming one with the air, the trees and the sky... Floating and being everywhere and nowhere all at once.   Would it be freeing? Or escaping?   I've often wondered about that.   -Y . Salmon

I saw you today, Crystal clear and 3D visionscape in my mind... Entangling me in your armour... Devouring me with your smile. I am nestled now in your bosom, peaceful and serene like a new born babe, having no part in being pried from your arms. Refusing to let this moment escape me. You kiss me gently on my forehead and rock me slow and steady like a mother bringing comfort to a child and I am whisked away to a place of severe contentment... That leaves me sated and sublime. I have had visions of you all my life I am sure. Never certain of what this yearning really meant... Never sure of how I should pursue it's interpretation.... Rather I sat and let the vision of what you were... In my head.... Grow and blossom into what you meant... To me. Now I am still and breathing and feeling you enclose me with your tenderness and warmth and I find myself overwhelmed with tear-streaked cheeks and a grateful heart. Emotions have become exposed and raw in their expression and I am left ...

Lesson #1. Put no one on a pedestal... Not even yourself. We are all fragile entities called humans and one day we will fuck up. Lesson #2. You will get your heart broken. And if you don't then you need to. The heart needs to know loss and disappointment in order to heal and strengthen itself. Most importantly, it needs to prepare itself for the one who deserves you most. Lesson #3. Your fears are little gifts wrapped up in scary packaging. They are there to teach us that we are capable of truly doing anything. Lesson #4. Stress is a killer. Whatever you do, don't let it get to you. Scream, laugh, cry, talk about it or dance! But whatever you do... Don't stress about it. Lesson #5 If you're not enjoying sex.... Then you're not doing right. Lesson #6. Laugh as much as possible. And then laugh some more. Lesson #7. Dance. Who cares if you have no rhythm... Just dance dammit. Lesson #8. Allow music to move you. Allow it to enter your core and sway you...

You call me 'Queen' as if it's the most natural thing in the world... Surrounding me with your authentic self, brimming with passion, promise and more tomorrows. You call me Queen as if my skin is made of honey.. Tastes like sweet blueberry pie, wrapped up in the essence of rebirth and discovery... You call me Queen with such majesty. That my soul reverberates with this knowledge and tries to explode from my skin into its new existence... You call me Queen, with meaning and respect... You call me Queen and I believe it. Epitomising it with such Grace and dignity...my pride is not vain, just made proud... For the right reasons... You call me 'Your Queen' and that leaves me speechless with joy and recognition. Simply because your words are never meaningless or empty.... Your words are made concrete with the follow-through of action... You call me Queen and I answer. Simply because I am. -Y. Salmon

Things, situations, opportunities, circumstances, jobs, people will come and go... Some will impact you... Some will leave a bitter taste in your mouth, some will leave you with lessons... Memories...like puffs of smoke that linger in the recesses of your mind. Some will become a permanent fixture, never leaving...even if it appears they have. And some you will cherish forever...simply because of the impact they have had. At the end of the day however, you are left with just you. Surrounded by bits and pieces of varied experiences. But it's yourself that you are left with...just you....and nothing else. So remember that while it's nice to appreciate all these different things that have contributed to who you are... Never forget the importance of 'you'. Love yourself so much, that no one or no 'thing' can cause you to lose the value of yourself... The value of 'you'. You're not expected to have all the answers. You're not expected to be perf...

I remember the first time I was to see you again, how I primped and prepped myself into a nervous wreak.... And you... You were cool as a summer's breeze, greeting me with that familiar gaze... Filled with promises of heated nights, raucous mornings and delicious afternoons... I remember thinking... Feeling... that those glances were meant only for me... And that you... Missed ' thi s '.... That you wanted ' this ' again... Now, a year later, we're meeting up... again. You said you " missed my face ".... and that we needed to catch up... See how life was treating us... You greeted me with that gaze, and that self assured smile... And me?.... I am warm and congenial... And you seem a bit surprised. You tell me about your new lady and how magnificent it all it is.... How glad you are to be humble and well deserving of all of this... I smile and say I'm happy that life has been so kind. Your gaze is now realizing that my eyes a...

It's not often that we meet someone who connects with our soul, sees the beauty of our mind and inspires courage with our hearts... But when you do, it is unmistakable in its uniqueness and truth. You've taught me so much and yet I still see us growing and evolving into something even more tremendous. There were moments that I caught myself questioning if you were real. If you truly existed... For me. And now.... Now I know. And I am ever so grateful... -Y. Salmon

I told her to come to me and she did. Bare and naked without any veils of false promises or deceit. She opened her arms to me and embraced my weary head... Rested it against her bosom... Telling me to hush... Hush Chile.... Hush... You with sad eyes and dark thoughts.... You with the soft lips that curve too easily with a smile... You with the words all wrapped up in your head... Itching to come out on your paper through your pen... You with the heart you know not that you wear on your sleeve... Hush. And rest... Put that busy mind to sleep... Let your temples relax as you breathe me in and out... Let me fill your senses with relief as I help you to escape.... Know that you are beautiful when all you see is ugliness. Know that you are brilliant when you are feeling less than Einstein.... Know that your flaws are the most alluring when you are open to showing them... Hush and rest upon this bosom built for your tears... Let them flow and fill me with your sorrows, your fears a...

There is a need... A necessity... To scream and let out all this that lies within me. Fighting, clawing, scrambling... To just get out. This absolute desperation for freedom and non restrictions that hold me tied to the floors and walls of this box that they wish to confine me in. I am feeling so clamped in. So binded by these chains of absolution. Knawing at my skin, my bones, my mind.... -Y. Salmon (written March 17, 2014)

It was a rough day today... We had words... And then none. My heart... My self doubt... Knowing that you... Can and will say... Knowing that you can close your eyes and watch me walk away. You're surrounded by beauty amidst the pain.... And I know they can take away my memory in the blink of an eye... You bury your nostrils in their skin, between their thighs.... You can kiss them and touch them and make their chest rise.... Heave with heavy breathing... Exhausted from cumming.... She has eyes like the dessert, skin supple and soft, a body that sways as if to command the wind... And then there is me, on my best day I can only hope to not get struck down by the whispers of my inner hauntings... And then I am trapped... Reduced... Dismissed. You can make her smile from the curve of her lashes to the core of her womanhood and she relishes it.... For she is what is beautiful to you... And I sit here and wait, for her to give in.. And I sit and wait for you to say, I don't...

I'm sitting here gazing out into a world of possibility and purpose and I chide myself for being a coward sometimes.  I get mad at myself for doubting as much as I do, for hesitating and finding excuses. I look back and remember when I was a fearless dreamer, blatant in my belief, obnoxious in my certainty.... And I wonder.... Where did she go? Where did that girl go? Was she killed off by cynicism? Knocked down by reality.... Captured by adulthood? Defeated by life?... I shake my head, for it is better than hanging it in shame. I steady myself for the mourning of my past self.... And I think... Am I but a shell of my former self? Void of truth and inspiration?  Am I so empty a vessel that my noise is nothing but a deafening yet unnoticeable silence?... These are my fears that nip at my confidence, that drown my rising strength. These are the fears I hold on to, to feed my pity party and excuse myself from wanting... From dreaming... From doing. These are ...

I feel a change coming... In what form, I'm not sure. The streets look different, my path more vivid...Intense. I feel a change coming... So real and sure that it shakes my bones.... I feel a change coming... All the way to my core... And I wait. Anxiously. - Y.Salmon

There is a place, I imagine, where reality is rivaled by the brilliance of imagination. Where birth is given to whimsy & fairytales that unravel in beautiful splendour... I imagine there is such a place, as I have lived there for so long.... -Y. Salmon

I wish sometimes I could peel away my scars like scabs. Or shed them like old skin... Watch them fall away and evaporate into dust, Leaving no traces of their prior existence. I wish my scars weren't so deeply embedded, That they would stop choosing when to appear 'healed' and when to resurface... Causing more damage, than good. Bringing it's past injuries and burdens and slights into the present,  Tainting the beauty and possibilities of a present situation. I wish I were constantly able to wear the strength of my scars... Because despite how much they haunt us, They have such resilience and longevity... Bravado... .... And guts... Constantly reminding us that they aren't going anywhere. Constantly showing us that they, these scars are apart of us.... Apart of our package, Apart of our spirit, Our demeanour... Our past, present and future... And that ultimately, if we have any intentions of Truly living, Truly loving, Truly 'Be'-ing... ...